27 weeks!!!

I am officially 27 weeks today YAYYY!!!!! My babyshower is in 2 weeks, I have another specialist appt in a few days and another ultrasound. Im impressed they are really taking good care of me at Mercy. But I know me I wont stop worrying until they are here on Earth. I am part of a birth board on another site and so many other women are having their babies. Im so blessed that my little ones are still holding on with NO COMPLICATIONS. Other than the fact that I feel like a whale and that I am super worn out and tired, I feel relatively okay. But its hard, especially with 3 other children running around but they keep me going. Im used to being tired but I just cant adjust to this pressure on my bottom parts, I cant even sit for too long, I have to lay down to keep the pressure off. I cant even sit up straight, too much stuff in the belly. I guess its worse for me because my torso is short maybe if I were taller I would have more space.

Now a little vent. I swear if one more person comes at me with a rude comment I am going to snap. Lets see I get:

1. MMM I know you are done.
(and if I wasnt...)

2. Damn I know u gettin ur tubes tied.
(i mean is this really anyones business)

3. Dag thats goin be 5 kids?
(like i dont know how many kids I will have)

4. Oh my 2 girls....they goin give u a fit?
(how the hell do you know?)

5. Girlll, what u goin do with 2 babies? or my personal favorite ''If I found out I was having twins, I would kill myself''....lol

And last but not least....

6. I dont see how u can do it, I wouldve got an abortion.
(okay whatever floats your boat but isnt that like a guaranteed spot in the middle of the hell fire?)

What the ''f'' word is wrong with people???Im trying to figure out when did having twins become a death sentence? I didnt choose to have 2 babies, I was blessed with them. Who is to say that it will be hard for me? Everybody handles things differently. I mean just random people ask me the stupidest questions. I know its gonna be worse when the girls are actually here. I need to grow a few extra layers of skin, cause I already know somebody is going to piss me off. And I never hear this crap from other twin mothers. How can you pass judgement when you have never been in the situation? I am confused and people are crazy. I dont want any of that negative attention coming in my direction. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I am highly intelligent and I have a way with words, alot of people cant handle my sarcasm. So im pretty sure that I'll have alot of wonderfully sarcastic responses for these people with their dumb a$$ comments and questions. Bring it on.......

26 weeks

I am really not the happiest person in the world at this point. I am starting to get really really uncomfortable. I cant sleep at night, 1. I keep peeing, 2. I get hungry, 3. The girls seem to think my tummy is party central, 4. I am so fat I just cant get comfortable, 5. I have the worst heartburn in the worlds history. I mean who on earth really gets heartburn when they drink a glass of water. So Im sleep deprived. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and be 37 weeks. I had to take a trip to Labor and Delivery last nite. I had the most excrutiating pain in my sides and lower back. Everything turned out to be okay. But they kept me hostage for hours thats why alot of times I ignore the pain because I do not feel like sitting down there. I had another ultrasound but I cant post any pics because my cell phone is broken and Sprint refused. I cant talk to anyone, I feel so lost. Thats okay because we are having a house phone put in next Tuesday so Sprint may as well disconnect my phone. Im not giving them another dime.

But my stomach has grown alot and so have the girls. I go for another u/s next week. Hopefully things are still in excellent condition. I still havent really made a decision on the birth yet. I have my moments where I feel like superwoman and think I can handle a vaginal birth. But then I want the c section because a vaginal is too risky for them. Im just afraid of the recovery and I am not close to anyone that has had a ceserean. So I cant really talk to anyone about it. If I could be awake when they did it I would feel better. I just have issues with the whole being put to sleep thing. I want to see my little girls as soon as they are born and Babe cant go in the operating room with me. I will probably just go ahead with the c-section. Once they give you that sedative, you really dont give a damn about anything, then the sleepy juice puts you out and it feels like you were only sleep for 5 minutes. Im thinking I will probably most definitely go ahead with c-section, the vaginal is just way too risky. Well thats just about it for week 26. See you guys in 27, the start of the infamous third trimester. Im coming into the homestretch everybody , time is winding down, a few more weeks and I will be holding 2 beautiful little girls in my arms and I wont have to worry.

25 weeks- Yeah Im Late

London Sydney

Okay I know Im posting late but Ive been so tired. I went to my regular appointment and the specialist and things are going really well. My babies are growing all they want. Tehy are both measuring 1lb 10oz's. They couldnt check the length because the girls dont have any space in there to stretch out. They are really squished in there. I cant see how they are going to be able to grow anymore, they still have 11 weeks left. I hope its not hurting them. My cervix is still getting shorter. Im at 3.9 right now. Below 3 is the danger zone. When they did the transvaginal ultrasound to see my cervix Londons big head was right there!!! Scary stuff...After I left the specialist, I went to see Dr. Julian. We started discussing delivery options:

1. I can try to deliver them both vaginal. Problem is after twin a is delivered it leaves alot of space and twin b has the space to flip breech or her cord can prolapse and then I would need a emergency c-section to get her out. Thats a double whammy. Hell NO!!!!!!

2. Elective C-section. Only problem they would have to put me under because I had spinal surgery, my spine is covered, they cant get the needle in my back and my Dr really doesnt want to put me under. Plus I am afraid of the recovery afterwards I still have the 3 boys to care for. Im also worried about pain. I dont want any morphine.

Also deliverying them vaginal can be life threatening for twin b because of the risk of acute ttts. Thats when the blood from twin a's cord gets squeezed into twin b's cord really fast and it can kill her. I dont know I want to try vaginal because it is easier to recover but i dont want to go through the pain of a natural childbirth only to have to get a c-section. **sigh** What to do? What to do?
I just want my baby girls here safe and sound.

Happy 25 weeks to Me!!!!

I have another week under my belt. Im getting close. I mkight even be getting off of bed rest even though I dont feel much like getting out of bed anyway. Im tired. The girls were really active today. I told Babe it feels like I have a octopus in my stomach. Today is Sunday. One more day til I go back to the specialist. Im praying that they are still growing equally. I always get a little anxious when its time to see Dr. Atlas again. Im just facing so many complications. I feel better every time I complete another week. My regular OB's goal for me is 28 weeks. He says once I get there, we will shoot for 32. I really like Dr. Julian even though he has gotten old over the years. I like the idea of covering one goal at a time that way I dont have too much on my plate. I have to see him tuesday also. I think I have High Blood Pressure, Im hoping not but I keep getting swelling in my hands and feet and today my vision seems really blurry. I crave salt sometime but I normally dont eat it. I never cook with salt. I just had to go out and buy some with this pregnancy because sometimes I crave it. But I have been watching it because I am at risk for HBP. Hopefully I dont have it because it can cause preeclampsia and thats a whole nother world of troubles. I'll just pray about it.

As far as myself Ive noticed that Im becoming more tired and those small burst of energy that I used to get are becoming scarce. It is becoming a chore to even little things and bending over is completely out. Even if i attempt to bend over I cant breathe and further more my belly will not allow me, I cant lift my legs at all. Its like I have no abdominal muscles what so ever. I swear if I get any biggger, Im just gonna jump off of a bridge. I look at other womens pictures that are pregnant with twins and they are huge. They look way bigger than me. But google (yeah google) said that yur stomach is pretty normal up till around 28 to 30 weeks. I probably be huge but thats okay as log as my baby girls are growing and sharing. I love them and I cant wait to kiss their sweet faces. One good thing about Tuesday, I get to see them again, so look out for new pictures. Holler at you guys Tuesday.

Last Day in 24th week

Thoughts of London and Sydney at 4 am.

Its 4am and I cant sleep...oh the joys of pregnancy. Im starting to have swelling in my hands and feet. I cant get my wedding rings off. I know I should tell my Dr, I will when I go to my appointment Tuesday but I dont want him to cut my rings off. They really wont come off and its tight but not so tight that its cutting into my skin. I guess when I can get them off I will have to put them on a necklace or something. Its going to be weird though, I feel naked without them or like a bad wife or something. I dont know I guess Im just crazy. Why am I up this time of morning? It doesnt help that I suffer from insomnia anyway boy has this pregnancy made it worse. Im like a zombie or something, I do not sleep. It could be anxiety. Im suppose to be on meds for that but I dont want to take them because it could hurt the girls. The dr swears it is something I can take, Zoloft or something but Im not taking that mess. Drs are always trying to play God. I'll just have to suffer until after the pregnancy and after im done breastfeeding. Speaking of which, I am totally intimidated by the breast feeding thing. I breastfed all 3 of my boys but they were single babies. How the heck am I supposed to breast feed 2 infants? What if I run out of milk? Breastfed babies eat very often and one baby can suck you dry in 20 mins so with 2 babies Im probably going to look like an oversized raisin or a dried up tea bag...hahaha..I can see it now. Its not going to be pretty. I guess I can supplement with formula but that craps messes their stomachs up if you give them that crap when they are first born. It irritates their bowels and plus it just doesnt seem natural. I dont know I guess I'll just tackle that road when it gets here. But my anxiety makes me worry about crazy things before they even happen or I replay different scenarios of things that can go wrong even if things are okay. Im a nut, But all people that are highly intelligent are crazy....ever see A Beautiful Mind..

I go for another level 2 ultrasound Tuesday also Im praying that they are both getting equal nutrients and blood flow. I will be devestated if they are showing signs of discordance. Im fine for like a week after my ultrasounds and then when its time for another one the anxiety kicks in like a week prior. I really dont want them to be severely premature. It would hurt me to have to leave them in the NICU for months. But thats what Im facing, all of the complications that can show up are rapid. And if I start to show symtoms the Dr just wants to get me to the point where they have a 90% chance of survival. That is 28 weeks but that is still like a 2 pound baby...too tiny. Thats about 3 weeks from now but thats the plan if something goes wrong and the specialist thinks they have a better chance of survival outside the womb, they will take them by c-section. I was told to have my hospital bag packed at my last appointment but I still havent done it. I feel like if I do something bad will happen. I swear its something wrong with my brain...hahaha. But thats my life for right now fear and worry. I was doing some research...yeah you guessed it 'Google" and the article was saying that often times a sinlge placenta shown on an ultrasound turns out to be 2 fused together depending on how early you have the ultrasound done. I found out I was having twins at 14 weeks, I wonder if that was early enough. It would be funny if it turns out that I had 2 placentas the whole time but we wont know that until delivery. One things for sure Im not having anymore kids this is too stressful. Maybe they will be fraternal, that would make more sense, my grandmother had fraternal twin sisters and I have fraternal twin little sisters, and according to my grandfather he had a twin but it died at birth. I dont know. Plus identical twins would totally give me the creeps. ''All work and no play makes Tommy a dull boy'' thats all I keep picturing in my head. Maybe its the hormones that are making me nuts. Ill be 25 weeks tomorrow people. I feel good to have made it this far because back at 14 weeks they didnt think I would make it this far, the specialist was very grim about things. I could have them at 35 weeks and they would be fine. Let the countdown begin. 10 more weeks and you can come out and play. It would be funny if I went full term with no complications....all that worrying for nothing. I know the Drs would feel dumb as hell. We shall see. See ya in week 25 :-) Goodnight, goodmorning rather.

24 weeks

Im not in a good mood today. I really feel like walking out the door and getting a way for a few hours. Im really not feeling it today. My ''smartphone'' has turned out to be a dumb phone and needs to be replaced. Babe still needs his phone replaced because he lost 2 phones in 1 week. My 2 oldest boys are slacking on their chores and other responsibilities. And the 2 year old is really testing me. I rule with an iron fist but Babe is more lazy when it comes to raising children they pretty much do what they want because Im too tired to regulate and it pisses me off. I am a housewife, I am used to handling everything but I cant. Im feeling really discouraged today. I want my house cleaned but all I can do is sit around and give orders because Im too big and tired to do anything. Babe cleans but he doesnt clean as thouroughly as I want or when I want. He takes his time and I cant stand it. If I tell him to wash dishes he'll wash all the dishes but leave the pots and pans for later....just get it all done ughhhhh!!!!!
There are 5 of us, I need to wash clothes at least twice a week but im freakin tired. Devaughn(9) was my washing buddy until he washed a empty load of clothes and dried a load of dirty ones. I fired him. So now he washes dishes but I have to go behind him or sit and watch him. My 2y/o and my 5y/o can put clothes in the washing machine and move them to the dryer with supervision but it takes so long. I just feel like Im not doing my job and Im going crazy. I dont have any energy. If I take a nap my body is still tired. I cant sleep at night because I cant get comfortable. If I lay flat I cant breath or i ge t indigestion. When I lay on my sides I get heart palpitations. If i sleep on pillows reclined back a little its too much weight on my bottom parts. Bending over is a chore....my stomach is just freakin huge. If im this uncomfortable now, only God knows what months 7 and 8 hold. I want these girls to bake as long as they can. The longer they are in, the less NICU time they will need if they have to come early. Im just so tired.

23 weeks still

Just thinking about my girls today. I have so much insight and life experience to offer them about certain things. I have been through alot in my 27 years. Enough stuff to allow me to be wise beyond my years. I know alot and hopefully i have gained enough experience to train my girls the right way and they wont have to find out the hard way about anything in life. I know I cant protect them from everything but I can damn well try. I'll be the emotional protector and Im pretty sure Babe will be the physical protector. My biggest fear is that I will be inadequate. I dont want to be too hard on them but they need to be educated on the ills of this world, fake friends, phoney family, religion, men, money and then some. I have my boys but they are men and they are being raise with a iron fist, they are already far more mature and well mannered more then most kids there ages. With girls its different I dont want them to be anybody's damn fool. I dont care who it is, Call me acting funny..I dont care but Im trying to clean up my act a little bit more. Not like Im out here drinking, drugging and sleeping around, but I have a few loose ends to tie up...like I curse way too much and there are some people in my life that I just plain dont want them around.
Some people can make for bad influences even if they arent around your kid much. Babe says dont worry about it...Im a good mother...its just that I have to raise two of them at the same time if it was one little girl cool...but its two and I feel like im under alot of pressure here. Just glad that I have a real man to back me up...100% by any means necessary....I feel sorry for some of these women. Its alot of men that have male parts but they act like b%$#^(sorry daddy). Im just glad Im not one of those. Im glad that my daughters and my sons have a father in their life that can show them the right way even if he is very stern at times, its all love. You never know how much the little things you do can affect your child. I dont know maybe Im crazy. I just cant wait for them to get here so I can love them. This pregnancy has been worry from the moment I found out I was having twins and all the complications that I am facing. If I can just make it to the end with know problems I will be content. I cant be concerned with anything else right now, just getting them here. I am having a pretty uneventful week, which is always good. Babe can feel them kick now. The girls are really active at night. I suffer from really bad insomnia so I dont care. Im suppose to take meds for it but I cant right now. I wont after either because of the breastfeeding. I'll just have to suffer but I dont care. Its like Im a vampire I cant sleep at night but I can nap during the day.
I have been trying to keep my stress to a minimum but sometimes its hard....I just let alot of people and things that dont matter get to me. Im proud of myself though I am doing good.

Im happy Im content and nobody can steal my joy, their problems are there problems and dont concern me. Its not my job to make anybody else happy and if that means separating myself from people then by all means so be it. Its all about London and Sydney. But I swear on my life after this pregnancy is over...i have to give a few people a real good tongue lashing, but then that would make people feel important when they really arent...hmmm...see you guys in week 24 :-)

23 weeks and counting!!!!

Im feeling good other than the fact that I feel like a beached whale. I am bursting out of all of my maternity clothes. Clothes are uncomfortable anyway. I cant fit any of my shoes, I am so glad its spring because other wise my feet would be frost bitten. Babe has to help me put my pants on because when I lift my legs it feels like my pelvis is gong to crack in half. I cant bend over because I cant breathe. I have had excrutiating pain in my breast for the last 6 mnths, the pain finally stopped but now Im leaking milk. I know its TMI but bras are uncomfortable and sometimes I would like a break but now thats not possible unless I want to soak the matress. Oh the joys of pregnancy. I better not even thinking about walking more than a half of block. Im so out of breath by then. My dr says its only gonna get worse, especially in the third trimester and I have about a week before I get there. According to him thats when the belly is really gonna stretch. Im complaining but Im happy...just happy that I have made it this far because in the beginning the outlook was grim for the girls...things can still happen But I am thankful for every painful and uncomfortable moment...I would rather go through physical pain and have them here healthy and safe, then to go through emotional pain and not have them at all. I love these 2 little girls and when they get here healthy, safe and sound it will be worth being a beached whale, eating us out of house and home, being tired, out of breath, not fitting my shoes, being confined to the bed, not being able to sleep and my personal favorite going from a size 40dd bra to a freakin 48f....yes its that serious.