2 Little Boone Girls-3 days old

I had the Twinsies on Monday, today is Wednesday. I havent had anything to eat since Sunday night and I am getting quite irritable. They wont let me eat because I cant fart...they have to be sure my intestines are put back right I guess. All they have been giving me is broths, jello and water. On top of being starving and being sleeped deprived I still have to breastfeed, God I can only imagine what it will be like once Im home. So anyway my Dr said that he wants to give me a suppository and that should bring some gas out.

On a lighter note the girls are doing well. The general did reach them during delivery but Sydney recovered really fast. London didnt, she was intubated and put on a ventilator but they are both fine and breathing on there own now. When I was walking back to the operating room, I just kept telling Babe that I was scared and I wasnt ready. The walk from my room to the OR felt I was walking to get the death penalty. I know it was hard for him to to tell me not to worry and remain supportive through his own emotions. I didnt forget about his feelings. He had worries too, about me and the babies. I didnt care about myself. I just wanted London and Sydney to be okay.

London was 4lbs 8 oz and Sydney was 4lbs 9 oz. They are so cute. They look just like my 2 yr old when he was born. Im so happy that its over. The c-section wasnt as bad as I thought. All I remember is crying when I went to sleep and waking up crying, my DR leaned over and said ''Its over, the babies are out...'' then I went from fear to worry. I kept asking were they okay. Everybody kept saying they were. Babe made sure he had pictures for me as soon as I came to recovery. I couldnt wait to see them but I had to get my pain under control. They swore I was getting the morphine through a pump. I kept telling those jackasses that the pain was excrutiating. They finally checked my I.V. and it was bent up in my arm, I wasnt getting anything. Once they got that together I was fine.

I swear they are so precious. Hopefully they wont have to stay in the NICU too long. They are excellent breastfeeders, and they dont need any assistance breathing. I just hate seeing them with all of that stuff hooked up to them, especially the I.V.'s. I love them so much.

The Big Day is Here!!!!!!

Well today is the big day. The day I have been waiting for. I think back to when I first started this blog, how afraid I was, now here I stand. This pregnancy has been a emotional rollercoaster and filled with fear. All of the pain, anxiety and insomnia has lead up to this point. The big day. My 2 little Boone girls are coming today. I am so freakin scared but also relieved. I just love them so much. I just dont like not knowing. I am scared because I dont know whats going to happen with my girls and I am afraid of the pain after my c-section. I really cant even blog about my feelings right now. All I am feeling is fear. Im just sitting here and when they call my name I might pass out. On top of all of this I am so hungry. I havent eaten since yesterday sometime. I have nervous stomach so I feel nauseous and like I have diarrhea..lol...that was gross but hell this blog is so other mothers that have this type of twin pregnancy will know what to expect. Babe is nervous but he wont admit it. When he's nervous he gets chatty and he is talking our heads off. Godmother is here, so she can regulate on these Drs and nurses and make sure they do what they are supposed to. My mom will be down here before they get started. I had to be here by 12 but they wont get started until around about 2pm. They need 2 hrs prep time....I just really want things to go smoothly and for my girls to get here safe and for me to be okay.....ughhhh!!!!! the wait is killing me....DAMN IM HUNGRY!!!

34 week- Baby scare

I went in for a routine Non-Stress test Wednesday. I got a really strong contraction. Im a pro at this so it didnt really bother me. But Baby B--> Sydney, her heartrate dropped and it stayed down for 3 minutes, they said it took her too long to recover from it. They sent me straight up to Labor and Delivery. The rush was on then, they had me signing all these consent forms and baby forms and gibing me all of the grim statistics of what can go wrong during a c-section...YIKES!!!, but for some reason I knew their bad butts werent coming that day. Sydney was just starting trouble like she always does. They wound up keeping us over night. I swear I have never been to jail, but I bet the beds in jail were softer than the bed they had me in. After keeping me hostage for a day, my Dr finally said I could go home and told me he would send me Monday at 12pm. Its 2 hours prep time for a c-section meaning they will be doing they ceserean around 2p.m. Needless to say that I am scared. I have to get it done under general, meaning I will be sleep. When I wake up I wont know what the hell is going on, hopefully I wont be combative or anything like that. General anesthesia make you out of it. Today is Friday and Babe and I have so much left to do. The exterminator was suppose to come last Tuesday, we worked hard, had everything in bags and these assholes didnt exterminate because we left a freaking bedskirt on our bed, I mean really, are kidding me? Now these assholes want to come on Tuesday, I'll be in the hospital recovering from a c-section. But our family will be living out of bags until then. Luckily my Godmother is going to come to my house Wednesday and put everything back in order. I cant do it and Babe has To balance work and being with me at the hospital, not to mention both our babies will be in the NICU. I still have to pack my bags and the boys things because they will be gone for a week. I need to go to the market for home. I need cleaning supplies. And I still havent purchased a breast pump. I really need to get that before Monday because normally babies born at 34 weeks dont have the coordination to suck-swallow-breathe, meaning they will probably have to put a feeding tube in so I will probably start looking for a pump today. So much to do and so little time, and Babe is gone from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., but before and after that he is ALWAYS sleep. Looks like Im going to have to get hormonal and put some fire under that lazy butt. He's normally up and getting things done but lately he is always tired.

34 weeks-8 days Til Babies!!!

This is my last week being pregnant. I went to my appts this week and things are going great. London is 4lbs 1oz and Sydney is 4lbs 5oz. I had a few contractions during my Non Stress Test but they werent consistent enough for me to get sent upstairs to Labor and Delivery. We also met with the neonatologist. He said that it is the hospitals policy to keep any baby born before 36 weeks in the NICU for a week. So he said that the girls are looking at a week at the least and 2 weeks tops in the NICU. But he said he reviewed my ultrasounds and the girls are good weights and that he could see them breathing on the video. He said he is confident that they will do well. He also said that by everything being scheduled they already know what to expect and that they are prepared. Unlike in an emergency situation. My C-section is scheduled for 9 a.m. but its 3 hours prep time. So they wont be cutting until around 12 noon. I really dont know why it takes 3hrs to give u I.V. fluids, shave your privates and put a catheter in. I swear the medical procedures are so long winded. My Dr said it will take him 2-3 minutes to get the girls out and about 30-45 mins to put me back together. I'll be in recovery for 5-6 hours. And of course the twinsies are going to the NICU. They said I probably wont see my girls until the next day, but that it depends on me. I wont be able to keep my composure until I see them and I can make sure they are okay. I still cant believe Im at the end of the road....8 more days babies, Hang in there.

33 weeks-feeling anxious

Im feeling like I have come to the end of the road and I am afraid. Sometimes I feel like there is too much going on at one time. Im stressing really bad. My insomnia is the worst it has been in months. Im probably averaging a hour or two of sleep per day. I say per day because I dont sleep at night. The kids are on summer break, so I dont have time to sort my thoughts during the day. Babe comes home in the evening and I have to listen to his daily adventures. So that leaves me only night time with swome peae and quiet time to myself to sort out my thoughts. The Dr said I could try Benadryl or Tylenol PM. That crap doesnt work. Before my pregnancy they had me on a prescribed medication for insomnia and that didnt even work. Maybe Im a vampire. I hate feeling like I dont have control over anything. I like for things to have order. Im a logical person, everything is problem solving and brain power for me. I cant sit around and wait for things to happen. I have to have a plan. I have to identify all of my choices, consequences and move from there. I hate not knowing. My Psych Dr told me I was a genius. Genuises have great minds and they are too intelligent for there own good. I cant help it.

I have too many decisions that need to be made that I cant decide on because I dont have enough information. I cant make a plan of action because I need more information. I know the way Im ranting and going on and on makes me seem like a lunatic but this is me. I have to walk around like there is nothing wrong because everyone thinks I am the strong one. People call me for advice, I give it to them and it comforts them. That makes me feel good but what do I do with myself. I write. Writing in this blog and knowing that others can read it comforts me. I just need for people to understand.

I have 4 appts tomorrrow. 3 with the specialist and 1 with my regular OB. I get an ultrasound hopefully the girls have gotten a little bigger, last time they were only 3lbs 11 oz. Thats a little on the small side. I was hoping that they would atleast be 5lbs by their birthday in 12 days but I will settle for 4lbs at this point. There brother was only 6 lbs and he was a week overdue. Babe isnt worried, I dont see how he does it. He's all like ''its okay babe, dont worry about it'' and he sleeps like a log at night. When I tell people I am carrying twins they always say my belly looks small. Thats because its not pointy its more flat, wide and round and its big at the top, those are the differences I notice from my single baby belly and my twin belly. I have a Non-stress test tomorrow too. Hopefully I wont be doing any contracting, I really hate sitting in Labor and Delivery for nothing plus I have to take my boys with me. I dont know how Im going to survive 4 appts with 3 kids. Babe will be with me but its still alot. I would go alone but this pregnancy is so unpredictable. I could go in with High blood pressure and they will have to deliver the babies. Its really nobody to watch the boys. My mother works, my brother works, my sister has her own kids, I try to only use her in emergencies. **sidenote** Daddy you need to move back here or one of the surrounding counties so your grandsons can keep you company or drive you crazy.

I also have dopplers tomorrow, thats when they check the blood flow through the cords to make sure they are sharing. They also check some artery in their brain. The blood has to flow through this artery in the same direction. If one babies flow is in the opposite direction than the others it indicates a problem. Technology is something else. They will also check their kidneys and bladders. I see my regular OB tomorrow. I swear he doesnt really do anything but order test and make sure Im comfortable and Listens to all my complaints, he is a sweet old man. He has been my Ob since I had my first child. He delivered all of my children and he knows that I am a lunatic and that I have ''anxiety issues''. I really dont see how he deals with me. I can be difficult sometimes and bombard him with all of these crazy questions, statistics and other things I have researched. He just smiles and says it will be okay. I know thats his job but he has alot of confidence and it makes me feel comfortable. Especially sine he's the one that has to gut me like a pig to get the babies out. I know, I know, that was gross.

Hopefully things go well tomorrow. We are so close, but things can still go wrong. But Im being positive.

12 MORE DAYS TIL BABIES!!!!!

32 weeks

Well I got my steroid shots this past Wednesday and Thursday. I was so pissed because we had to pay out of pocket for the shots because the dumb ass insurance company wouldnt. I went home and called their butts and layed them out, now they want to reimburse me. Anyway whatever the heck is int that steroid shot burns like hell. I wanted to cry but my 2 year old kept saying''Mommy be brave'' and I didnt want to look like a wuss in front of my baby. But it really does sting when they inject the steroid. Now I see why people get cortisteroid shots for pain. My entire pregnancy my hips and pubic bone have been huting so bad to the point that it was hard to walk, get in and out of bed, and get in and out of the van. It seems like since I got the steriods it doesnt hurt anymore, even Babe says I have been moving faster these days. My pelvis isnt clicking or cracking or anything. I dont care why it stopped, Im just enjoying it until the pain comes back.

I have been so busy with Dr's appts lately 4x's a week. They are really monitoring these twins good. I have 2 more weeks until my baby girls will be here. I still have to sit down and meet with the NICU team and Dr's. The girls will be 34 weekers and may have to stay in the NICU for a week or two. Im cool with that. My Dr's are confident and that makes me trust them and their judgement even more. I am just worried about my pending c-section. I am so afraid of complications and the recovery afterwards. How will I take care of my other children, Babe cant do everything, he still has to work? And if the girls have to stay in the NICU, how will I visit them, take care of myself and the other kids and my husband? Its just that when you are used to being a ''superwoman'' its hard to let go. Alot of people say it isnt that bad but you never know. Time is going so fast. I am so intimidated by the thought of having 2 infants, breastfeeding and handling 5 little ones. I wont lie Im scared. My biggest fear is that I will be inadequate.

Sometimes I look at my tummy and I cant believe that these 2 little girls have stuck around this long. It seems so unreal. I cant believe there are babies in there. I wont believe it until I see it. I often think back to when I first started this blog, how worried and afraid I was. I still am. And plus once they are born it will be a whole new set of worries. I feel like Im ready but I dont know. I guess I better get ready.

Sydney Darlene in 3D

31 weeks

So I know I am late as crap posting this. But I am completely miserable, I huge and evil as hell. Alot of people in my life are really beginning to bother me or maybe Im just tired. I would much rather be alone and left alone these days. I have absolutely NO PATIENCE to deal with anyone but my children. I dont know if its the hormones or if people are just being shitty assholes (sorry daddy). I cant sleep at night, I have tried everything in Gods creation to get comfortable, but between heartburn and running to the bathroom every five minutes and just being freaking huge, I cant get any rest. I had 4 appts this week regular OB, dopplers, ultrasound and Non-stress tests. I swear Im about to ask for a permanent room at the hospital as much as I am there. And its not going to get any better until I deliver. At first I was worried about the 34 week delivery but now, I am ready. But that doesnt mean that Im not scared. My appts went well this week. London is 3lbs 11 oz and Sydney is the same. Im hoping that the weight estimates are wrong because I would love it if they were atleast 5lb's at birth. They tentatively have 3 weeks to gain 1lb and 5oz's. I think they can do it they are doing so well. I think I should be getting my steroid shots soon. I forgot to ask Dr. Atlas yesterday and he has yet to return my phone call. Im so not in the mood for games, but patience is a virtue. They took a really good 3D picture of Sydney today, she is really pretty from what I can see and since they are identical, they both are. I just hope they have hair. I hate to see a completely bald headed baby girl. As long as they are healthy I really dont care, Im lieing, I really hope they have hair LOL. They better have hair because this pregnancy has made my hair fall out pretty bad, Im thinking about cutting it. But its been a year since my ''army shave'' and Im really trying to let it grow out.

I am a little worried about them not coming home with me and staying in the NICU but its cool. Everything will be okay. I am still trying to deal with my anxiety issues as far as this pending c-section. Im doing everything in my power not to panic. But once I get in the operating room, I will probably get really anxious and panicky. Im actually happ they are putting me to sleep for this because even if I could get a spinal or epidural, I would freak out knowing they were ''digging'' around in my insides....gross!!!! I havent taking any anxiety meds this entire pregnancy. I am surprise I havent snapped by now. I guess somethings are just more important. But I will probably get back on as soon as I deliver. As long as it doesnt transfer to my babies via breastmilk. Things can get a little haywire when your hormones and stuff are trying to get back on track. Especially when dealing with an infant also, let alone 2. A little over 2 weeks to go until I see my little twin parasites...LOL

June__, 2010 is around the corner Not far to go now.
Little Miss London and Little Miss Sydney will be here very soon :-)