19 weeks Tuesday 3/9/10

Feeling a certain kind of way about tomorrow. I'm finally going to the perinatologist tomorrow to get my little mo mo's checked on. I swear I fake like I'm not worried about it but I am. I have so much on my plate right now. I have to take care of my boys, my home, my husband and myself. And poor Babe he does the best he can but he cant do it like me, he still has to work. Sometimes I feel worthless because I dont think Im pulling my weight being on bedrest in all. My husband does the best he can with my mixed emotions, he loves me, he has to because if I was a man I wouldve left my ass alone. But thats what makes him a man, a good one. I feel so in adequate...maybe its just hormones. I wish I could see the future because I dont know what to expect tomorrow, I just hope its good news.
I always tell people that me and my cousins are best cousins. Cleanna always come to see me and gets my big behind out the house sometime. Shes the one that makes me accept things for what they are. Its nothing I can do to make the situation any better or any worse. We are very close. Kia my little cousin, My rational Kia, she doesnt judge me, shes a big time confidant. Shes alot like me, she did her research on my condition and she understands where Im coming from. She calms alot of my fears. I love both of them. If I didnt have the support system I have in them, I probably wouldve miscarried or been dead by now. Cleanna is coming to see me today(foood food food) and I'll probably talk Kia to death this evening, and my poor sister Shirell I'll probably keep her ass up all night. I wont be able to sleep tonite. Im hoping for the best but I also have to be able to accept bad news also. This mess is stressing me out. Its going to be along day for my mother, sister, husband and cousins today. Thats my team right there.