London & Sydney are 6 months old!!

We finally made to 6 monts old. They are sleeping through the night. Those days making posts about sleep deprivation are gone. Alot has happened over the last month. I previously posted about Ms London and that big lop-sided head. Plagiocephally is what her condition is called. I had to take her to a neurosurgeon. Her pediatrician wanted me to take her to University of Baltimore but Johns Hopkins had an earlier appointment so I went there....WHY WHY WHY?? Her appointment was with Dr. Ben Carson. First off, her appointment was at 1pm and he didnt see her until 3pm. Now let me explain what I see when I look at her, One of her ears is more forward. One is also up higher that the other. If you look at her head from the top down, it looks like something smashed her head between two boards. The left side of her face is flatter than the other side and one eye is up higher than the other. It was like that when she was born but it has gotten progressively worse. I have been turning her to the other side since birth but she can move her head however she wants to, so that doesnt work.
Anyway Ben Carson finally graces us with his appearance, keep in mind that I didnt schedule my appointment with him, thats who they assigned me to. He comes in with a freaking entourage of people. He is the most arrogant son of a bitch that I have ever met in my life. I guess he was dissappointed because I wasnt ''star struck''. He goes on to tell me she is plagiocephally with a side dose of torticollis. I knew that already. I always do my research prior to making decisions about anything. This asshole said that her head would fix itself and that he has seen worse cases. He says''She is plagiocephally, do you want me to write it down''. This guy didnt have a clue how highly intelligent I am. He didnt take any measurements of her head, no scans, nothing. All he did was come in with his entourage and look at her. He then proceeded to ask me if she was a boy or girl? One of his ''followers'' said, ''Shes a girl. You dont see all that pink and her earrings and barrettes?'' This dumb ass asshole says ''Well you never can tell these days.'' I wanted to JACK SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. He recommended physical therapy for her neck. She cant turn her head to the left because of the torticollis. He says he have the make her a pillow to sleep on that wont allow her to sleep on the flat side of her head. The helmet is almost $4,000. He claimed the insurance company wouldnt pay for a cranial helmet for her because it wasnt severe enough...BULLSHIT. Lond was almost 6 months at the time, she can roll over and you recommend a pillow...hello S.I.D.S. I did my research and the pillow is not even recommended for a baby that old. This guy is a clown. I dont know who he thought he was dealing with but I advocate for MY children. Just because you are a doctor doesnt mean shit to me. London Earlene Boone is MY baby. I know that her head was severe enough for the helmet. So I took her to another neurosurgeon at University of Baltimore. His name was Derek Bruce as soon as he saw her he knew why I was there. He said he could see it and that it was severe because it is affecting her face. He wrote me a prescription for the helmet. He also explained that insurance may not cover it because it is considered cosmetic, but to go to a helmet clinic anyway and let them fight with the insurance company. He said he wasnt sure where a helmet clinic was. He was told by another Doc that it was at Hopkins. So back to Hopkins we went. This time she saw a Dr Edward Akn. He looks at her chart and says I agree with Dr Carson. He took no measurements scans or nothing. I lost it. I cursed his ass out, cause I was so sick of Hopkins and their shit. I told him that I dont give a fuck about other cases, just my child, I told them that Hopkins was a cult and all the Drs live to kiss Ben Carsons ass. I told them fuck them and I got the hell outta there. My husband told me I was crazy but I didnt care. I was so pissed.
They mustve thought I was crazy because on the phone the physical therapist said she wouldnt get the pillow the same day. I went down there and they told me they would go ahead and make it and give it to me so I wouldnt have to come back..lol.

Fast forward a few weeks, London doesnt even sleep on the pillow. She scoots off of it, attacks it and some other stuff. One of my fellow twin mamas on Babycenter told me about this place called Hangar Orthotics. The evaluation was free. They even did scans of her head. Her skull is really deformed under those fat cheeks. They said the insurance would only pay for it if it was severe...Guess what?? They are paying for it in full and she gets it on Friday. I want to call Ben Carson, Edward Akn and the directo of the hospital and call them a pack of arrogant, shit faced sons of bitches. But that wouldnt be nice. They will be hearing from me. My theory remains the same, I do not like black or asian Drs, they are arrogant and think they know every damn thing. Im sorry but I said it before and I'll say it again, I would rather see a white Dr or an Indian one because they are more undertanding. This is from my personal experience. Im done ranting now, moving on along.

London is a whopping 16 lbs. Thats my big mama with tose chunky legs. They claim Sydney is 15 lbs, but I dont believe it. She is so light I can carry her around all day. Thats my munchkin. They are so Freakin cute. Sydney is rolling copletely over. She rolls around the floor like a little sausage. Lazy London goes side to side thats about it. Im a little concerned becaus ethey arent sitting up yet but I have to remember that they were preemies and I have to subtract the time, their real age is 6 months but there adjusted age is 4 1/2 so I guess by the time they are 7 1/2 months they will be sitting up. There hair is getting so long....at the top and sides. They are so baldheaded in the back. It will grow in eventually..I hope.

Lounging around

My Lovely Little Girls

My babies are so pretty. They are finally growing more hair. I can put barretes in their hair now. Their ears are pierced. London smiles all the time. She is so laid back and reserved. Sydney is sassy, seriously, if she is in a bad mood and you try to talk to her she will babble but the way she sounds is like she is sassing you. Its so cute. It wont be when she is 16 but it is really cute. They really look like girls now but some people still ask if they are boys or girls even though they see 2 pink carseats and a big pink stroller. London is super chunky, she loves to eat. If you eat in front of her she gets so excited. But she cant eat food just yet. Sydney is still small to me and she doesnt eat as much as London does but the Dr said not to worry as long as she is gaining weight. I try not to compare them to each other because all babies are different and move at their own paces but its hard when you are dealing with the both of them exclusively. Its amazing how different their personalities are already.
London and Sydney love to look at each other. When they look at each other they just smile, Sydney starts talking and sassing but London just smiles and spits in her face. Shes a spitter. I put them side by side and talk to them. London has issues everytime I put her close to Sydney she pulls her hair.

London and Sydney October 2010

Sydney Darlene






London Earlene

London and Sydney are 4 months old!!!

Well atleast they will be in 10 days. London is so big, she is a ham. Sydney is still smaller. Im starting to get a little more sleep. London and Sydney are the tag team champions of the world. They just went to their NICU clinic appointment. They are developmentally well they are doing everything they should be doing. I dont know if I wrote about this before but when the twins were first born I was a little worried about London because she looked funny about the face. Not funny like newborn funny but like it could be something wrong with her. Her face is flatter on the left side, its not as noticeable now because she picked up weight and her face is fat. But if you look at her from the top of her head down its really noticeable. Pretty much her whole head is lop sided her ears arent even with each other. She has ''plagiocephaly''. Basically because she was twin A her head was down in my pelvis and the weight from her sister on top of her caused her head and face to become a little disfigured. And I use the term ''disfigured'' loosely, its not that bad but its noticeable. I feel so bad because we kept saying that she looked like Sylvester Stallone. It can be fixed so thats a good thing. She has to see a neurosurgeon and get fitted for a helmet. They say the earlier you have it done the easier it is to fix. They keep saying the girls are identical but I never thought so. The Dr said not to be surprised if they look more alike after they reshape her face and head. Normally specialty appts take a while to get, hopefully it wont be too far away.

Sydneys head was funny shaped but her face wasnt distorted, and her head seems to be fixing itself.. So she doesnt need one

Parenting all of my children is a chore but dealing with 2 infants is a job. It gets really hard sometime. Especially because Babe is always at work and I dont have any help. I have to get all 5 of the kids together, give them breakfast and take them all to school. 2 different schools. Its rough. I volunteer at the oldest boys school in the evening, still have to go home make dinner, do homework and get everybody ready for the next day. All while taking care of the Twins. I swear sometimes I come so close to a meltdown but I dont even have time to have a meltdown lol. I dont get a minute to myself but it doesnt even matter as long as my family is taken care of. I'll have my time one day.

London and Sydney 3 months old

12 weeks old- 3 months

The girls are 12 weeks old and technically thats 3 months but they wont officially be 3 months until the 28th of this month. The sleep deprivation is getting much better. Now they just go to sleep so late so im still tired. They sleep from around 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. but I have to get up at 6 a.m. anyway. But its getting better. They are eating way more. London is 10lbs 11 oz and 22 inches, big girl. Sydney is 9lbs 1 oz and 20 inches. Its so funny because Sydney was the bigger twin the entire pregnancy and at birth. I feel like they are developmentally a little behind but the pediatrician said not to worry and that they would catch up by 2 yrs old. Its because they were preemies. They have two ages, their real age which is 12 weeks old and their adjusted age which is 6 weeks old. So as far as developmental delays they go by the adjusted age. I just feel like they dont do as much as most babies their age like grabbing things and playing with the little jungle gym thing that hangs in their face. They smile a whole lot though and they got their ears pierced. London and Sydney are really the cutest things that I have ever seen. They get more beatiful everyday and its not just because they are mine.

2 months old

Things are going really well the girls are 8lbs 6 oz now but they are still small to be 2 months old. But they have doubled their birth weight. My main complaint is still sleep deprivation. I was so close to a melt down the other day...not good. Now that they are getting older they have their good days and their bad days as far as sleep is concerned. I have been leaving out alot more market, aapointments, etc. But it is still a chore. I dont think I will ever be able to leave out of the house with them alone. I have to have somebody with me, its just too hard. London and Sydney draw alot of attention, I guess its the twin thing but that doesnt make it any less annoying but my skin is getting tougher. People are just amazed by them. God they are so beautiful. Sometimes I just sit here and stare at them.

Their personalities are definitely different. London is wakeful, she makes eye contact trys to coo. She is my night owl. She loves to stay up at night. Sydney is a different story. Oh the Drama when it comes to that baby. She is very needy. But she sleeps at night unlike her big sister. She also tries to grab things if you put them in her face, London just cries. Their eating habits have flipped. Sydney used to be my big eater but now its London, they are drinking 4 oz but I am thinking about taking Sydney back down to 3oz because she always leaves an ounce and as I said in a previous post the formula they take is quite expensive.

I love these little girls, even though I am physically drained and sleep deprived. But at the end of the day it is so worth it :-)

6 weeks old

Sydney Darlene Boone is now 6lbs 13oz





London Earlene Boone is now 6lbs 12 oz


Geez its been 2 weeks since I updated, I guess time just got a way from me. Lets see I am sleep deprived. I am so tired that I cant believe I am still function. I was up for 3 days erlier this week. They were on the same schedule but now the girlies are flip flopping. Poor Babe he tries to help as much as he can but he cant multi-task like me.I have mastered tandem nursing, I dont even need help anymore. I can bottle feed and burp both of them at one time. I can hold one while changing the other, I am amazed at all the things I can do. Anyway I probably sleep for 2 or 3hrs a night but not all at once. They sleep well during the day but then all of the boys are woke. I just want to add that being a twin mommy isnt all that bad, its just hard trying to function normally when you are so sleep deprived.

London : She is my wakeful baby. Always looking around, very content. Until nightfall, Im hoping she doesnt have colic. She cries for about 4hrs very night. She is inconsolable. Now its crazy cause at first Sydney was the crying baby but they have switched on me. She loves to eat but I guess she thinks shes cute cause she will eat a few ounces, take a break and then wake up fussing for the rest. I call her ''The Diva'', she has a very demanding cry. She has dimples and these beautiful big brown eyes.

Sydney : She is definitly the baby. She is so needy. I call her ''The Drama Queen''. Yes she is a drama queen at 6 weeks old. Oh she gives a stellar Osccar worthy performance. I mean tears and everything. She has dimples also. She is a big eater, that baby can suck a 3 oz bottle down in like a minute. She has these big beautiful, brown eyes, just like her big sister. She sleeps like an angel.

Sometimes a look at them and I cant believe how beautiful they are. They always have appointments, they keep me up all night and day but it is all worth it.

3 weeks old!!!!!!!!!!!

Home Sweet Home

They let my baby girls come home at 14 days old/2 weeks. London and Sydney are 3 weeks old today. They have been home for one week. All I can say is we are all adjusting. The first few days were rough. Then the next few days were a breeze, but last night was HELL. I am so sleep deprived but its worth it. Breastfeeding was a struggle int the beginning but its going great now. I can tandem nurse them like a pro. I know its gross, but it makes me feel like a dog with 2 puppies hanging off of me. They are so cute and their brothers just love them. I have to keep reminding Babe that I know how to take care of a baby. He is so over-protective. I keep telling him hes going to give himself high blood pressure. I went to my local WIC office since the pediatrician recommended I give the girls some ''special'' formula, it has extra calories to help their lil tiny butts gain some weight. Well the milk is $28 a can...LOL>>>they need to get jobs or go into show business or something thats expensive.

12 days old

My baby girls are still in preemie jail (NICU). I like to call it that because it doesnt seem so grim to me. I like to incorporate a little humor into everything. Keeps me young. The girls are doing really well. They only needed to keep there temperature, pass the carseat test and get rid of that jaundice. They did all of that. They were scheduled to come home yesterday, which was Friday but they called Thursday and said that the jaundice was back and that we couldnt bring them home. I was so dissappointed, I cried. So back under the Billi Lights they went. Since going back in the incubator under the lights would make the babies confused about how to keep their temperature, they have them laying on top of this thing called a billi-blanket. It goes on their backs against the bare skin. Well Londons levels went down but Sydneys didnt. So they had to put Sydney back in the incubator. Thats a setback because now she might be all screwed up temperature wise when they finally take her out, which makes for a longer stay. This NICU stay is starting to become a rollercoaster ride. I am happy that they dont have any ''real'' preemie problems. I come down here and sit all day. Babe goes to work so I spend alot of the time here alone but he comes after he gets off, then we go home. This has been a very humbling experience. Some of these parents didnt get the chance to sit because their babies died. As I sit here in the Nicu blogging their is a family next to me with ''The Priest". The staff just told them their baby isnt going to make it. That could have so easily been me. London wasnt breathing on her own when she came out and needed a ventilator, but she pulled through, thank God.

I want my babies to come home but for selfish reasons. I know and understand that they are in the best place for them right now. Patience is a virtue.

2 Little Boone Girls-1 week old

I swear to God the NICU is holding my babies hostage. They are now drinking an ounce of milk a piece. Sydney is off the billi-lights and they just put London under them, hopefully she will be off of them by tonight or tomorrow. The Dr is always talking about how well they eat. London seems to be my big eater. They are taking their I.V.'s out today. Last nite Sydney had clothes on, she looked so cute. It seems to me that London is around a day behind. Babe calls them Benjamin Button and Stallone because Sydney looks old and Londons face is kinda flat. He is crazy. I'll just be glad when I can leave the hospital with them. I feel so bad leaving them there. I spend most of my time down at the NICU with them. I am so tired.

Ive been okay. Im still having some bladder issues. Pain and I cant pee unless I lay down first. It is also very painful. I had to let Babe clean my incision site. I cried for like a hour before I let him do it. It didnt even hurt. I dont see how he deals with me. I was just scared that something would get stuck to my staples. I cant wait to get these damn things out. They itch but it actually doesnt look bad. Dr Julian did a very good job. Even though I swear something is wrong with my bladder. Other than my bladder ''issues'' Im dealing with swelling in my legs, they say its from the amniotic fluid and I have to urinate it out, but since I can hardly pee its taking a little longer than usual.

I dont care about me though. The girls have been in the NICU for 7 days, I just want them to come home. I miss Stallone and Benjamin.

London and Sydney are 5 days old!!

I really dont even feel like blogging but I have to because this blog is for my girls and for other people that may be facing what I went through. Im missing my babies like crazy. They have been in the NICU since birth, 5 days...I cry everytime I have to leave them. They are exceptionally healthy for their age. They are doing really well, dont get me wrong but I want them to come home. Just me being selfish I guess, they are in the best place for them right now. But I cant help it...Sydney is jaundiced so they have her under the billi-lights. London should be going under them starting tomorrow. They have been eating really well so they upped there ml's of milk from 15 to 20 and lowered their I.V. fluids. The nurse said they should be off of the I.v.'s by Monday or Tuesday. Thats a step closer to them coming home.

I made a post a few weeks back, I was saying it would be funny if the girls turned out to be fraternal. Well I havent heard anything yet but Im laughing because London and Sydney look nothing alike but dont hold me to that, the testing hasnt been done yet. But they look like 2 totally different babies to me.

I miss my little girls, I can go see them 24 hrs 7 days but it doesnt make up for how bad I miss them when Im at home and they are still there in the NICU.

London and Sydney 5 days old!!!

2 Little Boone Girls-3 days old

I had the Twinsies on Monday, today is Wednesday. I havent had anything to eat since Sunday night and I am getting quite irritable. They wont let me eat because I cant fart...they have to be sure my intestines are put back right I guess. All they have been giving me is broths, jello and water. On top of being starving and being sleeped deprived I still have to breastfeed, God I can only imagine what it will be like once Im home. So anyway my Dr said that he wants to give me a suppository and that should bring some gas out.

On a lighter note the girls are doing well. The general did reach them during delivery but Sydney recovered really fast. London didnt, she was intubated and put on a ventilator but they are both fine and breathing on there own now. When I was walking back to the operating room, I just kept telling Babe that I was scared and I wasnt ready. The walk from my room to the OR felt I was walking to get the death penalty. I know it was hard for him to to tell me not to worry and remain supportive through his own emotions. I didnt forget about his feelings. He had worries too, about me and the babies. I didnt care about myself. I just wanted London and Sydney to be okay.

London was 4lbs 8 oz and Sydney was 4lbs 9 oz. They are so cute. They look just like my 2 yr old when he was born. Im so happy that its over. The c-section wasnt as bad as I thought. All I remember is crying when I went to sleep and waking up crying, my DR leaned over and said ''Its over, the babies are out...'' then I went from fear to worry. I kept asking were they okay. Everybody kept saying they were. Babe made sure he had pictures for me as soon as I came to recovery. I couldnt wait to see them but I had to get my pain under control. They swore I was getting the morphine through a pump. I kept telling those jackasses that the pain was excrutiating. They finally checked my I.V. and it was bent up in my arm, I wasnt getting anything. Once they got that together I was fine.

I swear they are so precious. Hopefully they wont have to stay in the NICU too long. They are excellent breastfeeders, and they dont need any assistance breathing. I just hate seeing them with all of that stuff hooked up to them, especially the I.V.'s. I love them so much.

The Big Day is Here!!!!!!

Well today is the big day. The day I have been waiting for. I think back to when I first started this blog, how afraid I was, now here I stand. This pregnancy has been a emotional rollercoaster and filled with fear. All of the pain, anxiety and insomnia has lead up to this point. The big day. My 2 little Boone girls are coming today. I am so freakin scared but also relieved. I just love them so much. I just dont like not knowing. I am scared because I dont know whats going to happen with my girls and I am afraid of the pain after my c-section. I really cant even blog about my feelings right now. All I am feeling is fear. Im just sitting here and when they call my name I might pass out. On top of all of this I am so hungry. I havent eaten since yesterday sometime. I have nervous stomach so I feel nauseous and like I have diarrhea..lol...that was gross but hell this blog is so other mothers that have this type of twin pregnancy will know what to expect. Babe is nervous but he wont admit it. When he's nervous he gets chatty and he is talking our heads off. Godmother is here, so she can regulate on these Drs and nurses and make sure they do what they are supposed to. My mom will be down here before they get started. I had to be here by 12 but they wont get started until around about 2pm. They need 2 hrs prep time....I just really want things to go smoothly and for my girls to get here safe and for me to be okay.....ughhhh!!!!! the wait is killing me....DAMN IM HUNGRY!!!

34 week- Baby scare

I went in for a routine Non-Stress test Wednesday. I got a really strong contraction. Im a pro at this so it didnt really bother me. But Baby B--> Sydney, her heartrate dropped and it stayed down for 3 minutes, they said it took her too long to recover from it. They sent me straight up to Labor and Delivery. The rush was on then, they had me signing all these consent forms and baby forms and gibing me all of the grim statistics of what can go wrong during a c-section...YIKES!!!, but for some reason I knew their bad butts werent coming that day. Sydney was just starting trouble like she always does. They wound up keeping us over night. I swear I have never been to jail, but I bet the beds in jail were softer than the bed they had me in. After keeping me hostage for a day, my Dr finally said I could go home and told me he would send me Monday at 12pm. Its 2 hours prep time for a c-section meaning they will be doing they ceserean around 2p.m. Needless to say that I am scared. I have to get it done under general, meaning I will be sleep. When I wake up I wont know what the hell is going on, hopefully I wont be combative or anything like that. General anesthesia make you out of it. Today is Friday and Babe and I have so much left to do. The exterminator was suppose to come last Tuesday, we worked hard, had everything in bags and these assholes didnt exterminate because we left a freaking bedskirt on our bed, I mean really, are kidding me? Now these assholes want to come on Tuesday, I'll be in the hospital recovering from a c-section. But our family will be living out of bags until then. Luckily my Godmother is going to come to my house Wednesday and put everything back in order. I cant do it and Babe has To balance work and being with me at the hospital, not to mention both our babies will be in the NICU. I still have to pack my bags and the boys things because they will be gone for a week. I need to go to the market for home. I need cleaning supplies. And I still havent purchased a breast pump. I really need to get that before Monday because normally babies born at 34 weeks dont have the coordination to suck-swallow-breathe, meaning they will probably have to put a feeding tube in so I will probably start looking for a pump today. So much to do and so little time, and Babe is gone from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., but before and after that he is ALWAYS sleep. Looks like Im going to have to get hormonal and put some fire under that lazy butt. He's normally up and getting things done but lately he is always tired.

34 weeks-8 days Til Babies!!!

This is my last week being pregnant. I went to my appts this week and things are going great. London is 4lbs 1oz and Sydney is 4lbs 5oz. I had a few contractions during my Non Stress Test but they werent consistent enough for me to get sent upstairs to Labor and Delivery. We also met with the neonatologist. He said that it is the hospitals policy to keep any baby born before 36 weeks in the NICU for a week. So he said that the girls are looking at a week at the least and 2 weeks tops in the NICU. But he said he reviewed my ultrasounds and the girls are good weights and that he could see them breathing on the video. He said he is confident that they will do well. He also said that by everything being scheduled they already know what to expect and that they are prepared. Unlike in an emergency situation. My C-section is scheduled for 9 a.m. but its 3 hours prep time. So they wont be cutting until around 12 noon. I really dont know why it takes 3hrs to give u I.V. fluids, shave your privates and put a catheter in. I swear the medical procedures are so long winded. My Dr said it will take him 2-3 minutes to get the girls out and about 30-45 mins to put me back together. I'll be in recovery for 5-6 hours. And of course the twinsies are going to the NICU. They said I probably wont see my girls until the next day, but that it depends on me. I wont be able to keep my composure until I see them and I can make sure they are okay. I still cant believe Im at the end of the road....8 more days babies, Hang in there.

33 weeks-feeling anxious

Im feeling like I have come to the end of the road and I am afraid. Sometimes I feel like there is too much going on at one time. Im stressing really bad. My insomnia is the worst it has been in months. Im probably averaging a hour or two of sleep per day. I say per day because I dont sleep at night. The kids are on summer break, so I dont have time to sort my thoughts during the day. Babe comes home in the evening and I have to listen to his daily adventures. So that leaves me only night time with swome peae and quiet time to myself to sort out my thoughts. The Dr said I could try Benadryl or Tylenol PM. That crap doesnt work. Before my pregnancy they had me on a prescribed medication for insomnia and that didnt even work. Maybe Im a vampire. I hate feeling like I dont have control over anything. I like for things to have order. Im a logical person, everything is problem solving and brain power for me. I cant sit around and wait for things to happen. I have to have a plan. I have to identify all of my choices, consequences and move from there. I hate not knowing. My Psych Dr told me I was a genius. Genuises have great minds and they are too intelligent for there own good. I cant help it.

I have too many decisions that need to be made that I cant decide on because I dont have enough information. I cant make a plan of action because I need more information. I know the way Im ranting and going on and on makes me seem like a lunatic but this is me. I have to walk around like there is nothing wrong because everyone thinks I am the strong one. People call me for advice, I give it to them and it comforts them. That makes me feel good but what do I do with myself. I write. Writing in this blog and knowing that others can read it comforts me. I just need for people to understand.

I have 4 appts tomorrrow. 3 with the specialist and 1 with my regular OB. I get an ultrasound hopefully the girls have gotten a little bigger, last time they were only 3lbs 11 oz. Thats a little on the small side. I was hoping that they would atleast be 5lbs by their birthday in 12 days but I will settle for 4lbs at this point. There brother was only 6 lbs and he was a week overdue. Babe isnt worried, I dont see how he does it. He's all like ''its okay babe, dont worry about it'' and he sleeps like a log at night. When I tell people I am carrying twins they always say my belly looks small. Thats because its not pointy its more flat, wide and round and its big at the top, those are the differences I notice from my single baby belly and my twin belly. I have a Non-stress test tomorrow too. Hopefully I wont be doing any contracting, I really hate sitting in Labor and Delivery for nothing plus I have to take my boys with me. I dont know how Im going to survive 4 appts with 3 kids. Babe will be with me but its still alot. I would go alone but this pregnancy is so unpredictable. I could go in with High blood pressure and they will have to deliver the babies. Its really nobody to watch the boys. My mother works, my brother works, my sister has her own kids, I try to only use her in emergencies. **sidenote** Daddy you need to move back here or one of the surrounding counties so your grandsons can keep you company or drive you crazy.

I also have dopplers tomorrow, thats when they check the blood flow through the cords to make sure they are sharing. They also check some artery in their brain. The blood has to flow through this artery in the same direction. If one babies flow is in the opposite direction than the others it indicates a problem. Technology is something else. They will also check their kidneys and bladders. I see my regular OB tomorrow. I swear he doesnt really do anything but order test and make sure Im comfortable and Listens to all my complaints, he is a sweet old man. He has been my Ob since I had my first child. He delivered all of my children and he knows that I am a lunatic and that I have ''anxiety issues''. I really dont see how he deals with me. I can be difficult sometimes and bombard him with all of these crazy questions, statistics and other things I have researched. He just smiles and says it will be okay. I know thats his job but he has alot of confidence and it makes me feel comfortable. Especially sine he's the one that has to gut me like a pig to get the babies out. I know, I know, that was gross.

Hopefully things go well tomorrow. We are so close, but things can still go wrong. But Im being positive.

12 MORE DAYS TIL BABIES!!!!!

32 weeks

Well I got my steroid shots this past Wednesday and Thursday. I was so pissed because we had to pay out of pocket for the shots because the dumb ass insurance company wouldnt. I went home and called their butts and layed them out, now they want to reimburse me. Anyway whatever the heck is int that steroid shot burns like hell. I wanted to cry but my 2 year old kept saying''Mommy be brave'' and I didnt want to look like a wuss in front of my baby. But it really does sting when they inject the steroid. Now I see why people get cortisteroid shots for pain. My entire pregnancy my hips and pubic bone have been huting so bad to the point that it was hard to walk, get in and out of bed, and get in and out of the van. It seems like since I got the steriods it doesnt hurt anymore, even Babe says I have been moving faster these days. My pelvis isnt clicking or cracking or anything. I dont care why it stopped, Im just enjoying it until the pain comes back.

I have been so busy with Dr's appts lately 4x's a week. They are really monitoring these twins good. I have 2 more weeks until my baby girls will be here. I still have to sit down and meet with the NICU team and Dr's. The girls will be 34 weekers and may have to stay in the NICU for a week or two. Im cool with that. My Dr's are confident and that makes me trust them and their judgement even more. I am just worried about my pending c-section. I am so afraid of complications and the recovery afterwards. How will I take care of my other children, Babe cant do everything, he still has to work? And if the girls have to stay in the NICU, how will I visit them, take care of myself and the other kids and my husband? Its just that when you are used to being a ''superwoman'' its hard to let go. Alot of people say it isnt that bad but you never know. Time is going so fast. I am so intimidated by the thought of having 2 infants, breastfeeding and handling 5 little ones. I wont lie Im scared. My biggest fear is that I will be inadequate.

Sometimes I look at my tummy and I cant believe that these 2 little girls have stuck around this long. It seems so unreal. I cant believe there are babies in there. I wont believe it until I see it. I often think back to when I first started this blog, how worried and afraid I was. I still am. And plus once they are born it will be a whole new set of worries. I feel like Im ready but I dont know. I guess I better get ready.

Sydney Darlene in 3D

31 weeks

So I know I am late as crap posting this. But I am completely miserable, I huge and evil as hell. Alot of people in my life are really beginning to bother me or maybe Im just tired. I would much rather be alone and left alone these days. I have absolutely NO PATIENCE to deal with anyone but my children. I dont know if its the hormones or if people are just being shitty assholes (sorry daddy). I cant sleep at night, I have tried everything in Gods creation to get comfortable, but between heartburn and running to the bathroom every five minutes and just being freaking huge, I cant get any rest. I had 4 appts this week regular OB, dopplers, ultrasound and Non-stress tests. I swear Im about to ask for a permanent room at the hospital as much as I am there. And its not going to get any better until I deliver. At first I was worried about the 34 week delivery but now, I am ready. But that doesnt mean that Im not scared. My appts went well this week. London is 3lbs 11 oz and Sydney is the same. Im hoping that the weight estimates are wrong because I would love it if they were atleast 5lb's at birth. They tentatively have 3 weeks to gain 1lb and 5oz's. I think they can do it they are doing so well. I think I should be getting my steroid shots soon. I forgot to ask Dr. Atlas yesterday and he has yet to return my phone call. Im so not in the mood for games, but patience is a virtue. They took a really good 3D picture of Sydney today, she is really pretty from what I can see and since they are identical, they both are. I just hope they have hair. I hate to see a completely bald headed baby girl. As long as they are healthy I really dont care, Im lieing, I really hope they have hair LOL. They better have hair because this pregnancy has made my hair fall out pretty bad, Im thinking about cutting it. But its been a year since my ''army shave'' and Im really trying to let it grow out.

I am a little worried about them not coming home with me and staying in the NICU but its cool. Everything will be okay. I am still trying to deal with my anxiety issues as far as this pending c-section. Im doing everything in my power not to panic. But once I get in the operating room, I will probably get really anxious and panicky. Im actually happ they are putting me to sleep for this because even if I could get a spinal or epidural, I would freak out knowing they were ''digging'' around in my insides....gross!!!! I havent taking any anxiety meds this entire pregnancy. I am surprise I havent snapped by now. I guess somethings are just more important. But I will probably get back on as soon as I deliver. As long as it doesnt transfer to my babies via breastmilk. Things can get a little haywire when your hormones and stuff are trying to get back on track. Especially when dealing with an infant also, let alone 2. A little over 2 weeks to go until I see my little twin parasites...LOL

June__, 2010 is around the corner Not far to go now.
Little Miss London and Little Miss Sydney will be here very soon :-)

The Inside of 30 weeks

I dont know how I feel this week, I guess I feel relatively the same. I went in for my ultrasound today the girls are growing and sharing. I wound up in Labor and Delivery because I have been getting some pretty bad contractions today and I was ''squirting liquid'', I know it sounds gross. They also gave me a FFN (fetal fibronectin test). It supposedly predicts preterm labor, mines was positive. These little girls are already coming early(34 weeks) so they need to behave their bad butts until then. They told me if the contractions come closer together to come back. Yeah whatever thats why my 3rd boy was almost born in the toilet, because I waited. I swear I am not going back to L&D until June __, 2010. They are not going to have me sitting there for 4 hours just to send me home. I was worried about the girls being preemies but the midwife was going on and on about how they have a state of the art NICU. She bragged so much I have no choice but to believe her....LOL I just want my girls to be okay. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in the operating room in June. Im so anxious, my body is tired and I swear I cant stretch anymore, it hurts when they move, Im irritable as hell amongst other things. Then once I deliver them it will be a whole new set of worries. Thats about it for this week....contractions are starting up again, Im going to try and get some rest. **yawn**

Last Days at 29 weeks

I went to my appts for the week. I was shocked to find out that they have scheduled my c-section for 4 1/2 weeks from now. I was totally not expecting that. I didnt think I would be having them till atleast the middle of July, but they will be here in June. Im scared. I am not ready and I am worried about the c-section. I am too the point where I will be glad when this is over. Its beginning to be a bit much. They will only be 34 weeks then so they may not be able to come home right away because they might have to stay in the NICU for awhile so I guess I better brush up on my Nicu terminology and information just in case. I will start getting steriod shots soon to help mature their lungs faster. Research shows that black female preemies do better in Nicu anyway. I thought 34 weeks was too early but according to the specialist, 34 weeks is the ideal time to deliver to avoid any possible ''devastation''...cord accidents, things like that. He said they recently changed the protocols for this type of twin. Why risk it? Its better to be safe than sorry, so I agree with him. The Dr's at Mercy have been doing a really good job monitoring this pregnancy. But that doesnt stop me from worrying. The girls are 3lbs and some ounces a piece so hopefully they will be atleast 5 lbs by their birthday. I pray I make it through the next few weeks without having a panic/anxiety attack. These little girls are coming whether Im ready or not. Another thing is I was asking my Dr if my baby A and Baby b would be lettered the same when they come out, he tells me no because an ultrasound is flat and that it looks totally different when they go inside of you. So London and Sydney may be mixed up...that is not something you tell a person that has the issues that I have. I can see it now for the rest of my life I would be thinking that London is actually Sydney and vice versa. He said what I can do is ask the ultrasound tech to get the most accurate weight possible at my last ultrasound and then match them up when the babies are born or maybe we can tell by their positions, I dont know. I am crazy, I know because I have never heard any other twin mothers say anything about this....but I just cant help it.


Princess London Earlene & Princess Sydney Darlene coming June__,2010
**the day is top secret**

29 weeks!!!!

My belly button is officially gone, flat and non- existent and look at those stretch marks, my tummy is going to be very hideous but it will all be worth it. I have been researching tummy tucks for afterwards but Babe keeps saying Im going to end up like Kanye Wests mother. I suffer from anxiety so thats all I can think about is dieing while Im getting it done so we'll have to see about that tummy tuck. He is so ignorant. Thanx Babe!!!
I still cant believe its 2 babies in there. I hope they are comfortable.

The mask of pregnancy in all its glory.....I do not look like myself.

I am getting so close but still so far away. I feel pretty good, still tired and feel huge but overall I feel pretty good. I am getting so excited. I cant wait to see my babies. I get my c-section date Wednesday....Atleast that way I wil have something to look forward to. My baby shower was this past weekend. I am so grateful for my family and friends. I have alot of diapers and wipes. Babe was really happy about that. I dont have to buy anything else, I have everything I need for them. I had a really good time and I enjoyed being in the company of my family and friends. Not to mention the food was delicious. The cake was so pretty I didnt even want to cut it. I cracked and took a few pictures, I have the mask of pregnancy and I dont like taking pictures right now.

29 weeks feels good, tired but good. I have had no complications so far and hopefully none will arise. Today is Tuesaday, I find out the Girls Birthday tomorrow and I get to see them again but I just remembered I have to take that God forsaken glucose test tomorrow....gross. I am rally not looking forward to this, I hope I pass because I wont survive if I take the 3 hour test, I cant not eat for that long. Thats all for today, gotta go. Peace :-)

Last day at 28 weeks!!!

When I got to the specialist this morning he wasnt there...He wasnt coming in till 1pm, its coolt though cause they compensated us with free parking and free lunch....free sounds good to me. So I go back at 1 p.m. and they re-checked everything. The doctor said everything was perfect. She said on my other films it looked like the blood vessels in the cords got interconnected. But after taking a second look things were fine. They are both head down so bad Sydney is a little more restricted, they got a really good 3d picture of her today. She has some fat cheeks like her Mommy. They didnt really take any pictures of London, I have so many of her she is so well behaved. I dont know but I get the weird feeling that they are fraternal, they seem to be looking different these days, but the doctors are so sure that they are identical. We shall see. I have had alot of pressure abd Braxton Hicks today, it might be because they are both head down and all of that weight is on my pelvis. Well the babyshower is Sunday and my sister(Aunt Rell) and family worked really hard on it. Im glad its Sunday though because I am really really tired. I often dont think people really understand how tired my body is. I am pushing myself to the limit just to do everyday things. Thats my sweet baby Sydney to the right. Londons is under another post. Well we made it to 28 weeks. We will be 29 weeks tomorrow. # more weeks and we wil be at our next goal 32 weeks YAYYY!!!!! I have an appointment Wednesday with my regular OB and thats when we will schedule the C-section. Things are moving right on along. Im so thankful.

28 weeks-4th Day

Well just when I thought everything was going good, they call me with some bad news. The specialist called and said that he was reviewing my films again and that one of the girls blood flow was faster than the other. That is not normal...it is a symptom of twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I have to go back in Friday so he can take another look and double check. I hope this appointment isnt going to confirm my worst fears. I cant lie, I am scared shitless, but I am grateful. When I first found out what type of twins I was carrying, I prayed everyday that I would make it to the point of good viability for my babies, and that was 28 weeks...I made it and I am so thankful because if it is something wrong they have a good chance of surviving if they have to deliver them. They will be really small but they have a 90% chance of survival. I knew that there was a possibility that I might have to walk down this road and I have accepted it. But that doesnt mean that I am ready. I cant do anything until Friday, I am just hoping that maybe it was screwed up because Sydney wouldnt keep her bad butt still. I love them and I cant wait to see them, but I would much rather wait 8 more weeks. Its just to early. I made it to 28 weeks, the next goal was set for week 32, Lets hope and pray I make it. Its Wednesday night, I will update you all Friday afternoon.

Its gonna be a long Thursday........

28 weeks-doppler study

I went in for my doppler study today and they said the girls were fine. As usual Baby B--> Sydney was extremely uncooperative. They studied London's bladder, kidneys, brain and bloodflow and they were done in about 20 minutes. It took them about an hour to get done with Sydney. I think she is going to be my wild child. London had the membrane that is separating them stretched across her face. She looked like a bank robber with a stocking cap on her face...Sydney had one of her legs bent over her head, I dont know what the hell she was doing. The ultrasound tech is always amazed at what positions Sydney gets herself into. I swear this pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster, but I love these little girls. 8 more weeks and they will be here. I have 2 pictures but they are not too good. The bigger they get, the more difficult it gets to take there pictures. Now I go for the doppler studies every week. I might get a room down there because pretty soon I will be going 4 times a week. See you guys in week 29.

28 Weeks!!!!!!

Its another one of those days, Shit on Shirnell day. Im sorry but thats how I feel. I was so sick last nite. I was vomiting all night. I was scared this morning because I didnt fell the girls moving. The way I was throwing up, I thought it may have been something wrong. I drank a whole bunch of water and that got them moving. They were probably dehydrated. I have a appt with the specialist tomorrow, I go 2x's a week now. They have to keep checking their bladders and kidneys to make sure they have equal amounts of fluid. They say it can happen very rapidly at this point, Im praying that it doesnt but if it does they are at the point where if they had to be delivered, they would have a very good chance of survival. They would be small but they would survive. Im just hoping it doesnt happen. I have to go to the DR alot now...but atleast they have the situation under control, that makes me feel really good and confident that things will go well.

I went to my favorite store Walmart and got the girls 2 more dressers and some more hangers. They have accumalated so much stuff that I have been evicted from my dresser and most of my closet. And I still didnt have my baby shower yet. So hopefully with the dressers I can free up some more space.

My thoughts on pregnancy this week...hmmm Im tired. I cant fit any of my maternity clothes anymore. Babe calls me Pooh or either he looks at me and says ''oh bother'' ahahahaha. I dont know its like maternity shirts get wider, when they need to make them get longer. Somebody should really come up with maternity twin wear. Im a hormonal wreck and I just wish people would leave me the hell alone. I just feel so aggitated, like I cant deal with things right now. I wake up everyday with swollen hands and feet. I walk like a duck because the pressure from Londons head is very heavy and painful. Sydney is up in my ribs. I swear there is no space left in my torso to carry them. Im stretched thin here and it is very uncomfortable. Im short with my kids...I really am tired of being pregnant...I am 28 weeks and my belly is measuring 39 WEEKS!!! Crazy huh??? They want to do the c-section before 37 weeks, thats anytime between the 4th and 10th of July, if I make it that far. I am so afraid of the surgery but they are going to schedule my appt for it when I go back to my regular OB on May 19th...I cant wait...Or maybe Im just in a really bad mood today...I'll be back for an update tomorrow after I see the specialist, hopefully things are still going well.

Belly Pics 27 weeks

Yes the belly is ruined, its the size of someone who is due anyday....and I still have 9 weeks to go.

27 weeks: 2 appts today

Sydney faking sleep!!!!---------------->>

London with her hand in her face!!!

Both appts went really well today. The girls are

still sharing. Ms. London is 2 lbs 2 oz and Ms. Sydney is 2lbs 5 oz. They are getting so big and they have equal blood flow. They scared me a little because after I was done with the ultrasound, dressed and everything, Dr. Atlas came in with 2 other doctors with him. But he reassured me that my type of twin was very rare and that they just wanted to witness my care and get some practice, you know they just wanted to be nosey and be a part of something to gain the experience which is fine with me. I have always been pro education. I finally cleared up my vaginal or ceserean delivery dilemma. Dr. Atlas said that this pregnancy will not go past 37 weeks because after then the mortality rate in utero sky rockets. He also said there were too many risks involved with a vaginal and that I need to get a ceserean. So Im gonna get gutted like a pig and I am scared. Im not really close with anyone that has had a ceserean. Im mainly scared about the recovery.

I also saw my regular OB today, Dr Julian, I dont think he was really aware of what we were dealing with as far as this type of twin. I told him what Dr. Atlas said. He said that was fine that we will deliver before 37 weeks. He also said that when I come back to see him on the 19th that we will schedule my c-section then. Im excited 37 weeks is only 9 weeks from now Im going to try to get it done between the 11th and the 17th of July, me and Babes anniversary is on the 19th of July and we kind of want to keep that day to ourselves. But I will be 37 weeks before then.

My next dilemma is who will be at the hospital when I deliver. Its really sort of a personal time because I wont be able to see them until I wake up and I want to see my babies first. That being said it will probaby just be me and Babe and then we will accomodate accordingly. That might not sit well with some people but who cares they are my babies and I want to see them first. So its decided its just gonna be me and Babe.

Anyway the babies were totally uncoooperative today especially Baby B . They were both head down at my last ultrasound but now Ms Sydney has decided to turn herself side ways so they are in the shape of a ''T'' now. They have no idea how she managed to do that with so little space but she did it....little escape artist. London was okay just squirmy but her head is in my pelvis, that explains all the pressure on my ''bottom parts''. She still has that white spot on her heart they said it will probably never go away but not to worry about it. We got some okay pictures, its just no space in there. The 3d pics look so-so, I guess I can post them, my mother said that they have faces only a mother can love hahahaha she is so crazy. Im excited but Im not out od the water yet, things can still go south at the drop of a dime, so Im still a little stressed. Now I have to go to the Dr and specialist every week. Atleast I got something to look forward to every week. Pretty soon I will have to go in 2x's a week for non-stress test. Mercy is really on top of this. I will just feel so much better when they are in my arms. I'll see them soon enough.

27 weeks!!!

I am officially 27 weeks today YAYYY!!!!! My babyshower is in 2 weeks, I have another specialist appt in a few days and another ultrasound. Im impressed they are really taking good care of me at Mercy. But I know me I wont stop worrying until they are here on Earth. I am part of a birth board on another site and so many other women are having their babies. Im so blessed that my little ones are still holding on with NO COMPLICATIONS. Other than the fact that I feel like a whale and that I am super worn out and tired, I feel relatively okay. But its hard, especially with 3 other children running around but they keep me going. Im used to being tired but I just cant adjust to this pressure on my bottom parts, I cant even sit for too long, I have to lay down to keep the pressure off. I cant even sit up straight, too much stuff in the belly. I guess its worse for me because my torso is short maybe if I were taller I would have more space.

Now a little vent. I swear if one more person comes at me with a rude comment I am going to snap. Lets see I get:

1. MMM I know you are done.
(and if I wasnt...)

2. Damn I know u gettin ur tubes tied.
(i mean is this really anyones business)

3. Dag thats goin be 5 kids?
(like i dont know how many kids I will have)

4. Oh my 2 girls....they goin give u a fit?
(how the hell do you know?)

5. Girlll, what u goin do with 2 babies? or my personal favorite ''If I found out I was having twins, I would kill myself''....lol

And last but not least....

6. I dont see how u can do it, I wouldve got an abortion.
(okay whatever floats your boat but isnt that like a guaranteed spot in the middle of the hell fire?)

What the ''f'' word is wrong with people???Im trying to figure out when did having twins become a death sentence? I didnt choose to have 2 babies, I was blessed with them. Who is to say that it will be hard for me? Everybody handles things differently. I mean just random people ask me the stupidest questions. I know its gonna be worse when the girls are actually here. I need to grow a few extra layers of skin, cause I already know somebody is going to piss me off. And I never hear this crap from other twin mothers. How can you pass judgement when you have never been in the situation? I am confused and people are crazy. I dont want any of that negative attention coming in my direction. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I am highly intelligent and I have a way with words, alot of people cant handle my sarcasm. So im pretty sure that I'll have alot of wonderfully sarcastic responses for these people with their dumb a$$ comments and questions. Bring it on.......

26 weeks

I am really not the happiest person in the world at this point. I am starting to get really really uncomfortable. I cant sleep at night, 1. I keep peeing, 2. I get hungry, 3. The girls seem to think my tummy is party central, 4. I am so fat I just cant get comfortable, 5. I have the worst heartburn in the worlds history. I mean who on earth really gets heartburn when they drink a glass of water. So Im sleep deprived. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and be 37 weeks. I had to take a trip to Labor and Delivery last nite. I had the most excrutiating pain in my sides and lower back. Everything turned out to be okay. But they kept me hostage for hours thats why alot of times I ignore the pain because I do not feel like sitting down there. I had another ultrasound but I cant post any pics because my cell phone is broken and Sprint refused. I cant talk to anyone, I feel so lost. Thats okay because we are having a house phone put in next Tuesday so Sprint may as well disconnect my phone. Im not giving them another dime.

But my stomach has grown alot and so have the girls. I go for another u/s next week. Hopefully things are still in excellent condition. I still havent really made a decision on the birth yet. I have my moments where I feel like superwoman and think I can handle a vaginal birth. But then I want the c section because a vaginal is too risky for them. Im just afraid of the recovery and I am not close to anyone that has had a ceserean. So I cant really talk to anyone about it. If I could be awake when they did it I would feel better. I just have issues with the whole being put to sleep thing. I want to see my little girls as soon as they are born and Babe cant go in the operating room with me. I will probably just go ahead with the c-section. Once they give you that sedative, you really dont give a damn about anything, then the sleepy juice puts you out and it feels like you were only sleep for 5 minutes. Im thinking I will probably most definitely go ahead with c-section, the vaginal is just way too risky. Well thats just about it for week 26. See you guys in 27, the start of the infamous third trimester. Im coming into the homestretch everybody , time is winding down, a few more weeks and I will be holding 2 beautiful little girls in my arms and I wont have to worry.

25 weeks- Yeah Im Late

London Sydney

Okay I know Im posting late but Ive been so tired. I went to my regular appointment and the specialist and things are going really well. My babies are growing all they want. Tehy are both measuring 1lb 10oz's. They couldnt check the length because the girls dont have any space in there to stretch out. They are really squished in there. I cant see how they are going to be able to grow anymore, they still have 11 weeks left. I hope its not hurting them. My cervix is still getting shorter. Im at 3.9 right now. Below 3 is the danger zone. When they did the transvaginal ultrasound to see my cervix Londons big head was right there!!! Scary stuff...After I left the specialist, I went to see Dr. Julian. We started discussing delivery options:

1. I can try to deliver them both vaginal. Problem is after twin a is delivered it leaves alot of space and twin b has the space to flip breech or her cord can prolapse and then I would need a emergency c-section to get her out. Thats a double whammy. Hell NO!!!!!!

2. Elective C-section. Only problem they would have to put me under because I had spinal surgery, my spine is covered, they cant get the needle in my back and my Dr really doesnt want to put me under. Plus I am afraid of the recovery afterwards I still have the 3 boys to care for. Im also worried about pain. I dont want any morphine.

Also deliverying them vaginal can be life threatening for twin b because of the risk of acute ttts. Thats when the blood from twin a's cord gets squeezed into twin b's cord really fast and it can kill her. I dont know I want to try vaginal because it is easier to recover but i dont want to go through the pain of a natural childbirth only to have to get a c-section. **sigh** What to do? What to do?
I just want my baby girls here safe and sound.

Happy 25 weeks to Me!!!!

I have another week under my belt. Im getting close. I mkight even be getting off of bed rest even though I dont feel much like getting out of bed anyway. Im tired. The girls were really active today. I told Babe it feels like I have a octopus in my stomach. Today is Sunday. One more day til I go back to the specialist. Im praying that they are still growing equally. I always get a little anxious when its time to see Dr. Atlas again. Im just facing so many complications. I feel better every time I complete another week. My regular OB's goal for me is 28 weeks. He says once I get there, we will shoot for 32. I really like Dr. Julian even though he has gotten old over the years. I like the idea of covering one goal at a time that way I dont have too much on my plate. I have to see him tuesday also. I think I have High Blood Pressure, Im hoping not but I keep getting swelling in my hands and feet and today my vision seems really blurry. I crave salt sometime but I normally dont eat it. I never cook with salt. I just had to go out and buy some with this pregnancy because sometimes I crave it. But I have been watching it because I am at risk for HBP. Hopefully I dont have it because it can cause preeclampsia and thats a whole nother world of troubles. I'll just pray about it.

As far as myself Ive noticed that Im becoming more tired and those small burst of energy that I used to get are becoming scarce. It is becoming a chore to even little things and bending over is completely out. Even if i attempt to bend over I cant breathe and further more my belly will not allow me, I cant lift my legs at all. Its like I have no abdominal muscles what so ever. I swear if I get any biggger, Im just gonna jump off of a bridge. I look at other womens pictures that are pregnant with twins and they are huge. They look way bigger than me. But google (yeah google) said that yur stomach is pretty normal up till around 28 to 30 weeks. I probably be huge but thats okay as log as my baby girls are growing and sharing. I love them and I cant wait to kiss their sweet faces. One good thing about Tuesday, I get to see them again, so look out for new pictures. Holler at you guys Tuesday.

Last Day in 24th week

Thoughts of London and Sydney at 4 am.

Its 4am and I cant sleep...oh the joys of pregnancy. Im starting to have swelling in my hands and feet. I cant get my wedding rings off. I know I should tell my Dr, I will when I go to my appointment Tuesday but I dont want him to cut my rings off. They really wont come off and its tight but not so tight that its cutting into my skin. I guess when I can get them off I will have to put them on a necklace or something. Its going to be weird though, I feel naked without them or like a bad wife or something. I dont know I guess Im just crazy. Why am I up this time of morning? It doesnt help that I suffer from insomnia anyway boy has this pregnancy made it worse. Im like a zombie or something, I do not sleep. It could be anxiety. Im suppose to be on meds for that but I dont want to take them because it could hurt the girls. The dr swears it is something I can take, Zoloft or something but Im not taking that mess. Drs are always trying to play God. I'll just have to suffer until after the pregnancy and after im done breastfeeding. Speaking of which, I am totally intimidated by the breast feeding thing. I breastfed all 3 of my boys but they were single babies. How the heck am I supposed to breast feed 2 infants? What if I run out of milk? Breastfed babies eat very often and one baby can suck you dry in 20 mins so with 2 babies Im probably going to look like an oversized raisin or a dried up tea bag...hahaha..I can see it now. Its not going to be pretty. I guess I can supplement with formula but that craps messes their stomachs up if you give them that crap when they are first born. It irritates their bowels and plus it just doesnt seem natural. I dont know I guess I'll just tackle that road when it gets here. But my anxiety makes me worry about crazy things before they even happen or I replay different scenarios of things that can go wrong even if things are okay. Im a nut, But all people that are highly intelligent are crazy....ever see A Beautiful Mind..

I go for another level 2 ultrasound Tuesday also Im praying that they are both getting equal nutrients and blood flow. I will be devestated if they are showing signs of discordance. Im fine for like a week after my ultrasounds and then when its time for another one the anxiety kicks in like a week prior. I really dont want them to be severely premature. It would hurt me to have to leave them in the NICU for months. But thats what Im facing, all of the complications that can show up are rapid. And if I start to show symtoms the Dr just wants to get me to the point where they have a 90% chance of survival. That is 28 weeks but that is still like a 2 pound baby...too tiny. Thats about 3 weeks from now but thats the plan if something goes wrong and the specialist thinks they have a better chance of survival outside the womb, they will take them by c-section. I was told to have my hospital bag packed at my last appointment but I still havent done it. I feel like if I do something bad will happen. I swear its something wrong with my brain...hahaha. But thats my life for right now fear and worry. I was doing some research...yeah you guessed it 'Google" and the article was saying that often times a sinlge placenta shown on an ultrasound turns out to be 2 fused together depending on how early you have the ultrasound done. I found out I was having twins at 14 weeks, I wonder if that was early enough. It would be funny if it turns out that I had 2 placentas the whole time but we wont know that until delivery. One things for sure Im not having anymore kids this is too stressful. Maybe they will be fraternal, that would make more sense, my grandmother had fraternal twin sisters and I have fraternal twin little sisters, and according to my grandfather he had a twin but it died at birth. I dont know. Plus identical twins would totally give me the creeps. ''All work and no play makes Tommy a dull boy'' thats all I keep picturing in my head. Maybe its the hormones that are making me nuts. Ill be 25 weeks tomorrow people. I feel good to have made it this far because back at 14 weeks they didnt think I would make it this far, the specialist was very grim about things. I could have them at 35 weeks and they would be fine. Let the countdown begin. 10 more weeks and you can come out and play. It would be funny if I went full term with no complications....all that worrying for nothing. I know the Drs would feel dumb as hell. We shall see. See ya in week 25 :-) Goodnight, goodmorning rather.